Okay so I've come up with a new opening for my book. I want to grip the reader right away and not let them go. So here's what I've come up with.
Their panicked screams dove straight through the murky waters and to my ears. I wanted to scream back, to reassure them that it would all turn out okay. But I’d be fooling myself to even think that from this moment on anything would be normal again. I didn’t want to imagine what he’d do to them after he was done proving his point with me. My scalp burned, every strand of my red hair screamed for the release from his iron grip. Clawing at him proved to waste precious energy, so I remained limp as a ragdoll. I couldn’t last much longer, and in response my chest heaved, my body was struggling for oxygen. All I could do was let myself go. I was drowning by the hands of a person who should have loved me and watched me grow. Instead, I got to listen to the screams of my best friend, and the guy I never got to really know, swim around my ears until everything went black.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
To self-publish or to not self-publish. That is the question.
I'm seriously thinking about self-publishing my novel "Stalked." Now the journey of researching all my options has begun!! Wish me luck.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Webinars
Last week I listened to my first Webinar on "How to hook your readers in the first three pages of your novel." It was hosted by Sara Megibow of Nelson Literary Agency and it proved to be very insightful. We were allowed to post questions and email our first three pages to be critiqued by Sara. Below I've posted my first three pages and what Ms. Megibow had to say about them. Feel free to make comments.
Stalked by Wendy Nelson
Mothballs and gray hair. I fear that’s all I’ll remember of today, until Sophie strides through the front door of the funeral home wearing a bright red dress and the sea of gray heads all turn to stare. I quickly cover the smile that has popped out on my face, it seems somehow wrong to smile on a day like this.
My grandmother had taken Sophie and I to a movie downtown last year and afterwards we sat at a trendy coffee shop sipping lattes and talking about everything under the sun. She had brought up the subject of funerals and told us that if and when she died we were not allowed to wear black. Sophie appears to have remembered her request. I did as well, but chose a more reserved soft pink dress.
“Nice dress,” I say eyeing her up and down. “My grandmother would approve.” Sophie links her arm through mine. “Damn straight she would have approved, you didn’t think I’d forget did you?”
“You never forget anything.”
“Ha ha, very funny Mya.” But as soon as the words leave her mouth, her smile fades and she turns to look away from me. I grip her arm tighter and we stand there linked together not needing to fill the silence with meaningless chitchat. We’re both feeling the pain of loss. My grandmother was as much in Sophie’s life as she was in mine.
So there we were amidst the black clothes and gray heads looking like we were about to go to a Valentine’s Day dance when I spotted another out of place looking person. He looked to be around our age or maybe older. His baby blue tie caught my eye and when I looked up to study his face I saw that his eyes were the same blue. Our eyes suddenly lock and I turn away embarrassed to be caught staring.
Seconds later I tried for a second peek but he was gone. Maybe I made him up in my head? Why else would a young good-looking guy be at my grandmother’s funeral?
I turn to say something to Sophie but she’s in a conversation with an older man who’s talking to her chest and not her face. Great. Now I’ll get to hear her complain about the fact that she should be able to wear what she wants and not have men ogle her. We go over this at least five times a year. I tell her if she wants to wear clothes that show major cleavage than she has to get used to guys staring. And they won’t always be the hot guys you want to be looking, looking.
I glance around the room. My mom is talking with the funeral director who looks like he could be a hundred years old. When we arrived this morning he greeted us with weak trembling handshakes. He held onto my hand as he explained to us what the order of events would be. I was relieved when he informed us my grandmother wished to have a closed casket. I can almost trick myself into thinking she’s not even in there. Like it’s some kind of hoax and she’ll breeze through the door at any moment. But she doesn’t.
The past three days leading up to today have been extremely hard on my mom. I’ve found her curled up on the couch many times wrapped in the quilt my grandmother made, staring off into space. I bring her cups of tea but they end up growing cold and untouched.
The boxes we cleared from the nursing home are all stacked in a corner of the basement. I’m not sure if my mom will ever go through them. Her work was nice and gave her the whole week off with pay but there wasn’t much for her to do since my grandmother had planned and prepaid for her entire funeral.
She even went as far to have her headstone made up and it was waiting at the cemetery to be placed on her plot. Evelyn Ruth Teeters 1950 – 2010. Short, sweet and to the point, just like my grandmother.
“Did the nursing home find the missing piece to your necklace?” Sophie already done with her conversation, whispers in my ear.
“Nope, they had me fill out a form but I doubt it’ll turn up.” I’m watching the crowd slowly make their way to the front doors.
“Maybe she meant for you to fill it.”
“She could have.” It was the strangest gift I’d ever gotten from my grandmother. Why would someone purposely remove the middle of a necklace than give it to someone as a gift? It was just odd. And the tiny scratches around the edges were still sharp, not worn down like they would be over time.
“We could go shopping for something.”
“Thanks, I’ll think about it.” I finger the rough edges of the pendant and wonder what my grandmother could have done with it, or on the other hand who would have taken it?
Sophie tugs on my arm, “Look at that guy,” she points out a man in a brown suit with gold trim.
“He looks like that magician you had at your eighth birthday party!” The man is watching the television screen mounted on the wall that scrolls through pictures of my grandmother over the years. As a picture of my grandmother and I appears on the screen, he turns and stares at me. His face is leathery and strange looking, almost like he’s wearing a mask. He smiles at me and turns back to watching the screen.
Sophie grips my arm, “That guy is a definite ten on my creepy meter, I wonder how he knew your grandmother.”
“I was just wondering the same thing.”
Stalked by Wendy Nelson
Chapter One
Mothballs and gray hair. I fear that’s all I’ll remember of today, until Sophie strides through the front door of the funeral home wearing a bright red dress and the sea of gray heads all turn to stare. I quickly cover the smile that has popped out on my face, it seems somehow wrong to smile on a day like this.
My grandmother had taken Sophie and I to a movie downtown last year and afterwards we sat at a trendy coffee shop sipping lattes and talking about everything under the sun. She had brought up the subject of funerals and told us that if and when she died we were not allowed to wear black. Sophie appears to have remembered her request. I did as well, but chose a more reserved soft pink dress.
“Nice dress,” I say eyeing her up and down. “My grandmother would approve.” Sophie links her arm through mine. “Damn straight she would have approved, you didn’t think I’d forget did you?”
“You never forget anything.”
“Ha ha, very funny Mya.” But as soon as the words leave her mouth, her smile fades and she turns to look away from me. I grip her arm tighter and we stand there linked together not needing to fill the silence with meaningless chitchat. We’re both feeling the pain of loss. My grandmother was as much in Sophie’s life as she was in mine.
So there we were amidst the black clothes and gray heads looking like we were about to go to a Valentine’s Day dance when I spotted another out of place looking person. He looked to be around our age or maybe older. His baby blue tie caught my eye and when I looked up to study his face I saw that his eyes were the same blue. Our eyes suddenly lock and I turn away embarrassed to be caught staring.
Seconds later I tried for a second peek but he was gone. Maybe I made him up in my head? Why else would a young good-looking guy be at my grandmother’s funeral?
I turn to say something to Sophie but she’s in a conversation with an older man who’s talking to her chest and not her face. Great. Now I’ll get to hear her complain about the fact that she should be able to wear what she wants and not have men ogle her. We go over this at least five times a year. I tell her if she wants to wear clothes that show major cleavage than she has to get used to guys staring. And they won’t always be the hot guys you want to be looking, looking.
I glance around the room. My mom is talking with the funeral director who looks like he could be a hundred years old. When we arrived this morning he greeted us with weak trembling handshakes. He held onto my hand as he explained to us what the order of events would be. I was relieved when he informed us my grandmother wished to have a closed casket. I can almost trick myself into thinking she’s not even in there. Like it’s some kind of hoax and she’ll breeze through the door at any moment. But she doesn’t.
The past three days leading up to today have been extremely hard on my mom. I’ve found her curled up on the couch many times wrapped in the quilt my grandmother made, staring off into space. I bring her cups of tea but they end up growing cold and untouched.
The boxes we cleared from the nursing home are all stacked in a corner of the basement. I’m not sure if my mom will ever go through them. Her work was nice and gave her the whole week off with pay but there wasn’t much for her to do since my grandmother had planned and prepaid for her entire funeral.
She even went as far to have her headstone made up and it was waiting at the cemetery to be placed on her plot. Evelyn Ruth Teeters 1950 – 2010. Short, sweet and to the point, just like my grandmother.
“Did the nursing home find the missing piece to your necklace?” Sophie already done with her conversation, whispers in my ear.
“Nope, they had me fill out a form but I doubt it’ll turn up.” I’m watching the crowd slowly make their way to the front doors.
“Maybe she meant for you to fill it.”
“She could have.” It was the strangest gift I’d ever gotten from my grandmother. Why would someone purposely remove the middle of a necklace than give it to someone as a gift? It was just odd. And the tiny scratches around the edges were still sharp, not worn down like they would be over time.
“We could go shopping for something.”
“Thanks, I’ll think about it.” I finger the rough edges of the pendant and wonder what my grandmother could have done with it, or on the other hand who would have taken it?
Sophie tugs on my arm, “Look at that guy,” she points out a man in a brown suit with gold trim.
“He looks like that magician you had at your eighth birthday party!” The man is watching the television screen mounted on the wall that scrolls through pictures of my grandmother over the years. As a picture of my grandmother and I appears on the screen, he turns and stares at me. His face is leathery and strange looking, almost like he’s wearing a mask. He smiles at me and turns back to watching the screen.
Sophie grips my arm, “That guy is a definite ten on my creepy meter, I wonder how he knew your grandmother.”
“I was just wondering the same thing.”
Dear Wendy -
Thanks for participating in the webinar!
Thanks also for sending along these sample pages. Your characters leap off the page - great work!
If anything, what I see in these opening pages is that you are relying a hair too much on "telling." You can slow it down a bit in terms of pacing and show the reader how these two girls are reacting at grandma's funeral. You don't have to "tell" us everything - Sophie and how guys react to her, what mom is doing, seeing a hot boy. It feels a bit frenetic in terms of narrative voice and while I agree that she's likely feeling frenetic, I'd rather see if organically. Maybe she can't sit still. Maybe she's obsessively checking for her iPhone that he mom made her leave at home - things like that. These are great characters and I think the relationships you're developing are going to be awesome enough to really hook the reader. So, let them breathe a bit. Cut some of the telling and show us more.
Thanks sincerely,
Happy writing,
Sara Megibow
Thanks for participating in the webinar!
Thanks also for sending along these sample pages. Your characters leap off the page - great work!
If anything, what I see in these opening pages is that you are relying a hair too much on "telling." You can slow it down a bit in terms of pacing and show the reader how these two girls are reacting at grandma's funeral. You don't have to "tell" us everything - Sophie and how guys react to her, what mom is doing, seeing a hot boy. It feels a bit frenetic in terms of narrative voice and while I agree that she's likely feeling frenetic, I'd rather see if organically. Maybe she can't sit still. Maybe she's obsessively checking for her iPhone that he mom made her leave at home - things like that. These are great characters and I think the relationships you're developing are going to be awesome enough to really hook the reader. So, let them breathe a bit. Cut some of the telling and show us more.
Thanks sincerely,
Happy writing,
Sara Megibow
Just when I get rolling....
It happens every day. Just when I'm on a roll the oven timer beeps. It's time to pick up my two boys from school. Now don't get me wrong, I love my children, and seeing their adorable little faces light up when they spot me from across the playground is priceless. But come on! I just get into my groove and wham! I'm done for the day. Gotta run, the timer just went off.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Where I am right now
So far my novel "Stalked" has been edited up to about chapter 10 by the wonderful Karin Simpson who is the Head of the English Department at Sutton High School. I'm waiting anxiously for her grade eleven's to critique my first five chapters!
I had a bit of a set back last week when my MacBook decided to crash and I lost a week's worth of writing. BOO. But that's what you get for not backing up everyday! I thought every couple of days would be okay to back up my work to our home server but apparently that's not good enough. Now on the advice of my husband I am working in Google Dropbox. It saves all my work online so if my computer ever crashes it's all there.
When my manuscript is all edited and pretty looking I can't wait to start the submission process again. It's not for the faint of heart I'll tell ya. Long wait times and rejection letters are bound to come. I'm ready. Bring it.
I had a bit of a set back last week when my MacBook decided to crash and I lost a week's worth of writing. BOO. But that's what you get for not backing up everyday! I thought every couple of days would be okay to back up my work to our home server but apparently that's not good enough. Now on the advice of my husband I am working in Google Dropbox. It saves all my work online so if my computer ever crashes it's all there.
When my manuscript is all edited and pretty looking I can't wait to start the submission process again. It's not for the faint of heart I'll tell ya. Long wait times and rejection letters are bound to come. I'm ready. Bring it.
I've been chosen!
I've been asked to attend and speak at the York Region Writer's Guild workshop in May. I'll be talking to teenagers who love to write about my experiences so far with writing/editing/submitting/agents/publishers. I'm not an expert by any means but I can tell them what I've been through and we'll go from there! Also it never hurts to try and build a fan base for my young adult novel "Stalked."
Friday, November 26, 2010
They picked me!
The grade eleven students at Sutton District High School picked my book "Stalked" over "Brave New World" as their book of choice!
I've had my first few chapters edited by the wonder Karin and can't wait to start hearing some comments from the students.
I've had my first few chapters edited by the wonder Karin and can't wait to start hearing some comments from the students.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I'm so excited!
I just contacted a neighbour of mine that happens to be the head of an English Department at the Sutton District High School and she's going to help me edit my manuscript of "Stalked."
She asked if she could use it as a teaching tool for her students and that they would love to be involved in the process and at the end would I come and talk with them!
I am so psyched at this HUGE opportunity. I'm sending her the manuscript and we'll see how it goes! I'll keep you posted!
She asked if she could use it as a teaching tool for her students and that they would love to be involved in the process and at the end would I come and talk with them!
I am so psyched at this HUGE opportunity. I'm sending her the manuscript and we'll see how it goes! I'll keep you posted!
Muddy day at the dog park
Today I took all three dogs to the park to run off some steam (I'm dog sitting my parents dog Sage who's a beautiful Golden Retriever).
While there, little Ms. Hershey found a dead mouse and decided to roll in it! What is with that? It didn't stop us from having fun though. If nobody else is there I play Frisbee with her while Max (Pug) sniffs and pees on everything. She actually caught the Frisbee a couple of times! And boy, watching her run after it at warp speed is very entertaining!
So the dogs are all freshly bathed and are now sleeping soundly.
While there, little Ms. Hershey found a dead mouse and decided to roll in it! What is with that? It didn't stop us from having fun though. If nobody else is there I play Frisbee with her while Max (Pug) sniffs and pees on everything. She actually caught the Frisbee a couple of times! And boy, watching her run after it at warp speed is very entertaining!
So the dogs are all freshly bathed and are now sleeping soundly.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Poor Bunny
Well today at the dog park Max discovered a bunny carcass and decided it'd be a good thing to chew on! Eww, I'm so glad another gentleman took it, bagged it and chucked it in the garbage. It raises some questions though. Why was the bunny in there? What killed it? and if a dog killed it should that dog be in the park?
Max also got peed on today by another dog. Let's just say he had a good bath when he got home and extra treats to get the raw bunny smell off his breath!
Max also got peed on today by another dog. Let's just say he had a good bath when he got home and extra treats to get the raw bunny smell off his breath!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Dogs people pick
At the dog park the other day we met Molly, a Cairn Terrier, now if you don't know what a Cairn Terrier looks like think Dorothy's dog Toto in the Wizard of Oz. I loved that Molly's owner was a tough looking biker dude that absolutely loved his little doggie. It's interesting to see the types of dogs people pick.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Doggy know it all
I was at the dog park today flying solo so I was a little bit weary since Hershey has some issues with wanting to dominate everyone before she feels good. Well it turned out great we had two huge Huskies that were so nice to Hershey and Max and a mutt of some sort that was Hershey's new best friend. As I walked around the dog park the dogs would group together like a pack and it was nice to see.
But of course a new dog came in and rocked Hershey's stable condition. Hershey didn't like the new dog right off and wanted to bark at it, but was also frightful of the dog and hid under my legs. The owner of the other dog started to tell me how to handle my dog. I nicely listened to her guidance about how to handle her but soon I decided to leave after Hershey didn't want to leave my side and wasn't going to feel good anymore.
I know everyone wants to be the next dog whisperer but really if you aren't Caesar Milan I'm going to listen to your instructions with a grain of salt.
Tomorrow is a new day and we'll see what happens at the dog park.
But of course a new dog came in and rocked Hershey's stable condition. Hershey didn't like the new dog right off and wanted to bark at it, but was also frightful of the dog and hid under my legs. The owner of the other dog started to tell me how to handle my dog. I nicely listened to her guidance about how to handle her but soon I decided to leave after Hershey didn't want to leave my side and wasn't going to feel good anymore.
I know everyone wants to be the next dog whisperer but really if you aren't Caesar Milan I'm going to listen to your instructions with a grain of salt.
Tomorrow is a new day and we'll see what happens at the dog park.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Dog Park take two
Well we went back to the dog park with Max and Hershey and it was a lot busier today! There was a Golden retriever and a boxer to start and Hershey got a little freaked out by one man there and started barking at him but stopped after a bit, weird.
Those dogs left and then came Molly, now Molly is a Johnson American bulldog and weighs roughly ninety pounds! She was loving the puddles and would lie right down in them!
The Shitzu came again and a black lab and two other dogs I didn't know what they were.
Hershey started being a little dink and barking at one dog, we figure it was a dominance issue and after a bit I told Darryl we should leave. I'll have to work on her with that and to come when she's called. She's still a puppy and has to learn some manners. I would hate to be known at the dog park as "those people with the asshole dog."
We all came home muddy and slobber soaked but now the dogs are sleeping quietly on the couch. Good day:)
Those dogs left and then came Molly, now Molly is a Johnson American bulldog and weighs roughly ninety pounds! She was loving the puddles and would lie right down in them!
The Shitzu came again and a black lab and two other dogs I didn't know what they were.
Hershey started being a little dink and barking at one dog, we figure it was a dominance issue and after a bit I told Darryl we should leave. I'll have to work on her with that and to come when she's called. She's still a puppy and has to learn some manners. I would hate to be known at the dog park as "those people with the asshole dog."
We all came home muddy and slobber soaked but now the dogs are sleeping quietly on the couch. Good day:)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Ipad Snuggie
I'm beginning to think that I may need to design an iPad snuggie. I know how many people can't live without them and to have them far from them is devastating. Just an idea!
Halloween
Well it's Halloween party day at the boys school tomorrow and I'm excited for them! Kal is dressing up as a Ghostbuster and Ty a pro baseball player. This is the first year they've been able to wear costumes to school since somewhere along the line someone had banned it and instead made it an 'Orange and Black Day.' But it's back to the way it should always be with a fun Halloween dance and costumes for all.
I'm sending in some Halloween pencils with the boys to hand out to their classmates since we're not allowed to send in any treats because of allergies (BOO, but I totally understand)
Happy Halloween to all and here's to a spooky good weekend.
I'm sending in some Halloween pencils with the boys to hand out to their classmates since we're not allowed to send in any treats because of allergies (BOO, but I totally understand)
Happy Halloween to all and here's to a spooky good weekend.
What a Sweetheart
Kaleb wraps his arms around me and says "Mommy this is why I like you so much, you're always there when I don't feel good."
Me - I hug him right back and say that's what Mommy's do, but when he's not watching I disinfect every damn surface he's touched.
Dog Park
Well Darryl and I just got back from taking Hershey (our Boston Terrier) and Max (our Pug/Terrier) to the leash free dog park here in Keswick.
I'll have to say it's amazing how quickly dog owners bond in these places. We met a nice older couple (who totally reminded me of my parents) who had a gorgeous Golden Retriever who was loving the puddles and getting very dirty.
There were two guys with a brown German short haired pointer that was only three months old and she was loving Max and Hershey.
And of course there was a Shitzu there, I swear they're everywhere!
At first I was hesitant to let Hershey off her leash because she can be a little dominant with other dogs but after all the dogs sniffed her I let her off and boy did she have fun! I didn't know how fast she could run, I don't think her front paws even touched the ground.
The forty five minutes we spent there sped by with lots of chatter about our dogs and their habits and of course all the mischief they get into at home.
With the dog park only minutes from our house I'm sure I'll be back there often to let the dogs run their little tails off.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Should've
I really should've turned on the lights, put my packages down and turned on the damn lights, but I ignored the voice in my head and kept descending down into the basement. I felt the warm squish under my socking-clad foot before the smell hit my nose...shit...literally.
Monday, September 13, 2010
The occasional rant
If you feel the need to hork up giant phlegm balls and spit them out somewhere, do it in your house in the bathroom with the fan on to cover up the noise. DO NOT do it in your backyard for ten minutes where your neighbours can hear and see you. It's disgusting and I swear I've read somewhere it can get you arrested in some countries.
Tea-aholic
It's that time of year again, the warm days of summer have been replaced with the chill-inducing dewy mornings of Autumn. I've since traded in my frosty beer mug for my permanently tea-stained "Mom" mug.
I blame the weather for my teaholism, getting up while it's still dark outside should really be against the law.
With the kids safely off to school I cuddle up on the couch with my two dogs, laptop, and my fourth steaming cup of tea of the day and get ready to write.
I blame the weather for my teaholism, getting up while it's still dark outside should really be against the law.
With the kids safely off to school I cuddle up on the couch with my two dogs, laptop, and my fourth steaming cup of tea of the day and get ready to write.
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